


Does love conquer all?

by 81panda17



Category: Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-06-17 20:06:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15469023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/81panda17/pseuds/81panda17
Summary: I started this over a year ago and left it for a bit so timing is a bit hazy, but Theresa is Prime Minister and Brexit is being negotiated. Please forgive me for messing with Philip’s character a bit! Chapters told alternatively from Philip and then Theresa’s point of view.





	1. Demons

After sinking wearily into the inviting sofa, I take a long swig of gin and tonic. With such a hectic life, I can't remember the last time that I actually sat down alone like this. My wife is currently traveling back from another sole destroying European Council meeting in Brussels. She'll no doubt come back feeling even more depressed and bewildered about Brexit than before. I will sit and listen and try and offer a few words of comfort. Thats my most import role in life right now, being there for the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of whom so much depends. To everyone else she needs to show no weakness, no self doubt, not even for a second or her opponents would eat her for breakfast. Yes, like Ken Clarke famously said she can be a bloody difficult woman, but only when she's fighting for something that she truly believes in. But that's the woman that she likes to present in public, she has no choice really as female leaders are judged differently to men. Show a bit of emotion and your weak, fall ill and you lack the required strength, whilst a bloody difficult man would be judged as decisive and strong. 

But the real Theresa May? The woman I have loved for 40 years is rather more complex than that. For a start she is painfully shy, that's why when we got together all those years ago at Oxford, everyone assumed that I would be the one that would go into politics. But whilst I have always been politically active, I much prefer mucking in rather than being in the spotlight. Theresa too, but a huge commitment to public service like her father who was a vicar, makes her push herself forward. Then once she became a politician (as a local councillor) she realised that the only way to make a real difference is to have power, and that's what has led her to the very top. 

Away from politics, Theresa is a totally different person. She is warm and affectionate, modest and very witty. She's also a very attentive wife. No matter what major crisis her day may bring, she's always interested in mine. She makes a fuss when I have the slightest aliment and feels guilty when her job gets in the way all the time. The amount of holidays we have had to cancel, or evenings ruined, I've lost count. But I would never complain. This job makes her happy (well most of the time) and it gives her a sense of fulfilment that I believe her life would otherwise lack. Andrea Leadson has no idea about how damaging her words about being a mother made her a better choice for PM was to Theresa. You see she was born to be a mother, she is brilliant with kids and I know that she would give all this up in an instant if she could have had a child of her own. This job at least means that she can make a difference to children's lives in a different way, however I dread the day when this all comes to an end, when she thinks about what could have been, a time when she might return to battling the demons in her head. As whilst the pain of loss and hopelessness has never really gone away, at least for now the pain is numbed by having a country to run. I'm scared that one day these demons might kill her, if the stress of the job doesn't do that first. Her diabetes although well controlled makes her vulnerable, the hours she works doesn't help, but what we don't discuss is how her mental health has an impact on her physical health as well.

But I have my own demons. I have lied to her and let her down, and she doesn't have a clue. For if she knew that when she was in hospital after losing our stillborn daughter, I was in bed with another woman it would kill her inside. Particularly if she knew that from that one night stand I have a daughter, a 12 year old who I have kept hidden all this time. I tried to tell her at first but she was so depressed after losing Charlotte. As the lies got bigger, and Theresa busied herself more and more with work, it got easier to keep on lying. But now she's PM, I fear that it's bound to come out. Journalists keep digging into our past, and my daughters mother is angry that I have hardly seen her recently as a result of me having no real privacy any more. It now seems clear that I need to tell her the truth, but when and how? I might lose her forever, but if that happens it's her not me that I am worried about. I am all the family that she's got, she relies on me, I am her whole world. I don't deserve her forgiveness, but for her sake I must earn it. She is the love of my life, I am nothing without her.


	2. Worried

I try and sneak quietly into the flat of number 11, so not to wake my husband, but I am surprised to find him asleep on the sofa. I spot the glass and bottle of gin on the table and my heart skips a beat. This is unlike him, he is not a big drinker and he never drinks alone. Maybe he just fancied a drink, or maybe something is troubling him? But what? Come to think of it he has been very quiet recently, but still the attentive, loving husband that I have always known and loved. My rock. Maybe the stress of all this is getting to him? He doesn't want to worry me, but this makes me worry more. Perhaps he is ill? Oh my god please no! I have always imagined that I would be the one to die first, life without him is unimaginable. I need to know, I must not let him fob me off again. This weekend, when we have time to draw breath, I will demand answers. For now it is time to get him to bed as he will hurt his back if he sleeps on the sofa all night.

"Darling wake up," I whisper as I gently touch his shoulder. As I do so the smell of alcohol overwhelms me.

Philip opens his eyes, "sweetheart I trust you've showed those European bastards what for?"

"Well not quite, but it went OK. I made some small progress, which is more than anyone will say publicly of course."

"Good girl! You'll have this all sorted in no time, and then we will never have to hear about bloody Brexit again"

"Some chance, I fear Parliament will still be squabbling over this long after I'm dead and buried."

"Good god that's a depressing thought!"

"Indeed and on that note I think it's time that we went to bed. Another fun day ahead tomorrow, or rather later on today!" I say casually not wanting to sound like a nagging wife.

"Sounds good to me!" He replies eagerly as he grabs my face and roughly kisses me on my lips. The stench is overwhelming and I nearly vomit. I pull away quickly and he looks hurt.

"Darling do you know how much you've had to drink?" I try and reason.

"Maybe a glass or two. Why don't you join me for a quick one?" He winks at me before undoing a couple of buttons on my shirt and squeezing my breast.

"No I'm sorry, I'm exhausted. Hold that thought and I promise that I’ll make it up to you."

Ignoring me he kisses me roughly again, and puts his hand up my skirt. Horrified I push him away and stand up quickly.

"I.. I'm sorry. You know that I'd never....."

"Of course not! The thought never crossed my mind," I lied.

"I hope not. You know I love you, I would never do anything to hurt you and certainly not that!" He responded sternly. 

"No, no never! Look my nerves are on edge, we both need to get some rest."


	3. Weekend Blues

7.50am and I can finally get up in a few minutes. I have been awake for hours, but not wanting to wake my wife I lie there staring at the ceiling of our Maidenhead home. I hate myself so much. Not content with being a lying fraud, the other night feeling sorry for myself I got drunk, and totally sunk to new levels. The next day I didn't think about it too much, I was too hungover. But that night I realised that my wife couldn't sleep. Eventually I gently put my arm on her shoulder, but she instinctively pulled away. I asked her if I had upset her but she denied it, and just said that she wasn't feeling well. After making her check her blood sugar levels just in case, I held her in my arms as she eventually fell asleep. I didn't think anymore of it until last night when I noticed bruising on her right thigh. That night came flooding back, I don't know what came over me. Animal instincts? That's no excuse, when Theresa and I make love it has always been gentle and loving. The only time I have ever had lustful, rough sex was when I cheated on my wife, when grief clouded my judgement. But now I'm afraid that she thinks that I would do the unthinkable and rape her. Surely not, surely she knows me well enough..... But then she doesn't know everything, and I know her well enough to know that she's biding her time before she speaks to me. You see we hardly ever row, we get on so well and confrontation with me upsets her. But I realise that I need to have the courage to speak up first, but what I will say I am not sure.

******

Theresa finally sits down to have her breakfast, having insisted on making me a full English, despite not feeling like it herself. Truth be told I am feeling too sick with nerves to contemplate eating but I don't complain.

"Thanks love, that looks fantastic."

"You look like you need it, did you sleep OK?"

"On and off. Look about the other night...."

Theresa looks down at her cornflakes. "I'm not sure I know what you mean?"

"When I got totally pissed, for which I'm really sorry about."

"Why are you sorry? You're perfectly entitled to let your hair down once in a while. Like any normal man."

"No it was selfish, when you have so much on your plate."

"You didn't make me become Prime Minister, I ask too much of you."

"No you never ask anything of me that I don't want to do. Be by your side."

"I know and you know I appreciate your support so much. It's just not like you, to drink on your own"

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising."

"Sorr.." I replied before we both laugh.

"Talk to me, but only if you want to?”

"I feel ashamed, I hurt you. I saw the bruise on your leg."

"Oh, that. I don't even know how I got that," she replied as she looked at me sadly.

"No, I did it the other night. I grabbed you, I sexually assaulted you!”

Shocked, she said nothing for a second, before replying, "no, no you wouldn't! I know you better than I know myself."

"I did, just for a second, I don't know my body just took over. All I could think about was getting inside of you."

"Well you are my husband, and I'm glad you feel that way. It's been a while, I'm sorry I have just been so tired."

"Don't apologise, It was wrong. I just hope that you don't think that I would, you know."

"Rape me, never! Not for a second, I promise."

"But you flinched when I touched you in bed."

"It was instinctual, I am sorry. I guess after 36 years of marriage you shocked me. that's all. You know how difficult it was in our early days in the party. Every old bloke thought I was just there to be groped"

"And now I am just as bad as them."

"No, you are the kindest, sweetest man I know. Nothing like them, the fact you noticed tells me you didn't mean it"

"And it will never happen again."

"I know, the look of horror on your face tells me that. But talk to me, something is troubling you."

"I'm fine, honest."

"Stop trying to protect me, I'll not break"

"OK, after lunch. You have calls to make and I would like us to spend some quality time together when we will not be interrupted"

"Hopefully, you never know. Just promise me one thing?”

"Anything," I gulp wondering what she is going to say.

"You're OK, I mean you’re not ill or anything?”

"I'm fine, I promise."

"Good, you had me worried for a while. I don't know what I would do if I lost you"

"You'd cope, you are the strongest person I know"

"You know that's not true. It's all an act."

"I know, but you would, you underestimate yourself. You'd be better off without me"

"Don't be silly," just then her phone rang. I nod to her to tell her to get it. I need time to figure out what I will say.


	4. Confession

“Thank you darling," I whisper as Philip hands me a cup of tea. I close my laptop and indicate for him to sit down. "Right that's me done for the day, hopefully!"

"Good, you deserve a break."

"Well I've got an awful lot of other stuff to do. For one I need to get a new outfit for that awards ceremony next week."

"What are you like! I really do think you need a clothing allowance in this role. Otherwise we're going to be broke!"

"Yeah right. I expect Nicky Morgan would like that!"

"She's only jealous."

"Yeah of the sexy bloke I have on my arm."

"Mmm flattery, the dress you have in mind is clearly expensive."

"Cheeky, anyway I earned it. You wanna argue?"

"Nope! But seriously you'd look amazing in whatever you wear."

"Well not bad for an old bird, who survives on insulin injections and a couple of hours sleep a night you mean."

"Hey less of the old! You’re in your prime, you do have a toy boy after all!"

"Whatever! Now seriously I'm all ears. What did you want to talk about?” I could see his face fall and I suddenly felt anxious.

"This is not easy." I reach out my hand to his. He squeezes my hand before pulling away.

"I'm listening."

"I've been thinking a lot recently about Charlotte," as our daughter’s name hung in the air we stared at each other intensely.

"There's not a day when I don't."

"I know, me neither. But more recently I don't know I guess with everything changing so quickly."

"I know what you mean, I can't help wonder what if. Would I still have become prime minister with a 13 year old?”

"Unfortunately we'll never know, but I think you would have done. I bet she's watching us right now and is so proud of you." I smile uneasily, much of our thoughts about Charlotte we keep to ourselves, not wanting to upset the other.

"I would hope that she would be proud of both of us. She'd have her own opinions of the world!”

"Yeah a little bossy boots, like her mother. But also patient and kind." A lone tear streaks down my face, and I cannot speak.

"I am sorry, I've upset you."

"No I'd be glad if we could start to talk about her more. Like she's still with us in a way."

"She'll always be a part of us. One day, I'd like us to tell people about her. Not now I agree, but one day I'd like to acknowledge our daughter."

"One day maybe, I am not sure if I can after all these years.”

"Only if and when you are ready." He holds my hand and then kissed it.

"Thank you, you would have been the most amazing Dad," he looks away. Slightly, confused I add, "I see what you are like with other people's kids. I am just so sorry I let you down."

"No, never say that. I am the one who has let you down."

"Don't be silly, you are the kindest man I know. You've never let me down, not ever."

"Yes I have!" he shouts, and now I can see tears in his eyes.

"I don't understand," I reply hesitantly.

"I am scum on earth because when you needed me most I cheated on you."

"No, I...." try to reply not really taking his words in.

"When we were grieving for our Daughter I got so drunk to block things out. I had a one night stand with someone at work."

"What!" I gasp feeling sick. "When?"

"I am so ashamed."

"When?" I repeat more angrily.

"When you were in hospital, I told you I was total scum. I was just so out of my mind."

"And why are you telling me this now? To ease your conscience?" I shout angrily. He pauses, and refuses to look at me.

"Why now!"

"I am so sorry. I have a daughter that was conceived that night. And she needs me." 

Totally stunned I suddenly became dizzy and that is the last that I can remember of the conversation that changed my life forever.


	5. Anger

The shock of my wife collapsing in a heap on the floor made my heart race, but then instinct takes over and I turned her onto her side to give her room to breath. When she came round I helped her onto the sofa and insist that she stays there whilst I make her a cup of tea. As I prepare the drink my heart sinks as the reason for her distress hits me. The look of hurt on her face plays on my mind when I told her that I had cheated and worse still the look of shock and disbelief when I mentioned my daughter before it all became too much and she collapsed.

When I returned to the living room she is not there. I find her in our bedroom, sat on the bed weeping. I notice that she is holding her mother’s silver cross necklace which she had wanted to give to Charlotte, but a mix up at the funeral home had meant that it had not been buried with her. 

"I am so very sorry," I sob and I place my arms around her.

"Don't you dare touch me", she screams in an usually high-pitched manner as she pushes me away.

"I don't expect or deserve your forgiveness, but I want you to know how very, very sorry I am and how much I hate myself for what I have done."

"Forgive me for not giving a dam about your feelings right now."

"Sorr..."

"How long have you known about her," she gulps before adding, "your daughter?"

"From the beginning. Sarah is a lovely kid, I try and see her when I can"

"You lying bastard!" she screams, her words stun me as she has never spoken to me like that before. Sensing my shock she adds, "what, do you think I am being harsh? We'd not even buried my daughter..."

"Our daughter, Charlotte."

"Thanks for the clarification," she adds sarcastically. "We wouldn't want to mix up your dead daughter, with......" Suddenly she breaks down in tears and buries her head in her pillow. This time I do not touch her, but not to tears me in two. We are normally so close, and now I wonder if I have destroyed our relationship forever.

"You've no idea how much I wish things were different. I will always love Charlotte very much. After all the early miscarriages we had, when we got to the 24 week scan and we were told everything was normal, I was so exited. I dared to dream of a future for the three of us."

"Then I let you down. You thought the old cow was not going to give you a heir, so you thought you'd better go else where."

"No! Yes I wanted children, but with you, no one else. You are wonderful with children, you didn't deserve what happened after trying for a child for over 20 years."

"It was god’s will."

"And this is where I admire your faith. You know at times I struggle to understand a world of such unfairness."

"But maybe god chose this path for me, so that I could help others. And he wanted you to have Sarah. Not that I will ever understand how you can get drunk and ... you know, when your daughter....." She starts sobbing uncontrollably and this time I sweep her into my arms and hold her for a couple of minutes.

Eventually she pulled away from me. "Maybe I can accept that you were grieving and weren't thinking. After all so much attention is focused on a mother when a child dies, but what about the father?"

"There's no excuse. I will always hate myself for what happened."

"You need to forgive yourself, I forgive you."

"I don't deserve your forgiveness,” I reply weary of this quick turnaround.

"Grief’s a funny thing. I don't think even 13 years on I have even begun to come to terms with losing her. Or the other babies, though of course with Charlotte it's worse because I got to hold her."

"She was so perfect, she just looked like she was sleeping."

"And maybe if I had taken more care, not run around so much."

"No, this is not your fault. The doctor said it was one of those things, after all you carried her to full term. They should have monitored you more closely given your age and history."

"Yeah, I have read recently that they recommend inducing pregnancies early in older mothers."

"So you see, you did everything you could. This is not your fault. Look maybe one day when things are less busy we should get some counselling."

"I am not sure I could open up to strangers. This is the first time that we have talked about this properly ourselves."

"And that's my fault, I didn't want to hurt you."

"And this is what I don't understand. If you had just had an affair I can understand why you might lie about it. But to lie about having a daughter?"

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"But she's your daughter! She should be your first and only priority."

"You both are but I guess I am old fashioned in that I believe that a child’s place is with her mother. As long as she got to see me occasionally, to let her know that I care for her, love her, I thought that that would be all that matters."

"But you couldn't have seen her that often. I never suspected a thing."

"About once a month, sometimes more. The odd late night meeting, dinner at Jill's when you were working late. I hated lying to you."

"And your family, they knew?"

"My Mum no, I regret that she never met her before she died. My sister’s not at first. But Jill guessed something was up about five years ago when your office rang to pass on a message that you were going to be late home, I think I'd left my phone at home."

"So that's why she's barely spoken to me these past few years, I thought it was something that I'd done."

"No, and she wanted to tell you. But in the end she accepted my argument that things were best left as they were, for your sake."

"And Liz and Anne?"

"About a year ago, and they have been constantly on my case to tell you ever since, for Sarah's sake more than anything. And you know what the twins are like when they have a bee in their bonnet!”

"I do, I don't know how your mother coped with 4 kids in three years."

"And you know the problems that Liz has had with her ex, he never sees the kids and she knows how much it hurts them. And Anne's kids have the step mother from hell, she's worried what sort of picture Sarah has in her head about you."

"And what does she, I mean Sarah think about all this?"

"Until she was 7 or 8 not an awful lot, seeing her Dad occasionally was normal to her. But one day out of the blue she asked me if she could live with me." I paused for a second, to see Theresa's reaction, but she'd switched to her detached mode and she just stared at me blankly. 

"I told her that I was too busy at work to look after her. She burst into tears and I felt terrible. I asked her why she didn't want to live with her Mum and eventually I got it out of her that her Mum liked to drink a bit too much."

"And what did you do, I am sure at that point you must have realised that she needed her father?"

"I confronted Lynne, that’s her Mum. We had a massive row, as you can imagine she gave me a few home truths. You see she didn't know I was married when we slept together, and she was quiet rightly angry that I lied to her and left her to bring up our child."

"Did she always have a drink problem, why didn't you notice?"

"I am ashamed to say that up to that point I had not given Lynne that much thought. She hated me, so when I handed her over it would normally be to her mother and when I did see her it was usually for only a minute or two. I feel ashamed now that I didn't realise sooner."

"I always assumed that you would have been a very attentive Dad."

"I know, I should have tried harder with Lynne and her Mum for Sarah's sake."

"And Lynne's drink problem?"

"I paid for her to go to rehab whilst Sarah stayed with her Gran. She seemed to get better, but then last year she relapsed. Things got quickly out of hand and now Sarah lives with her Gran full-time. I insisted on that."

"And does she see her Mum often?"

"Occasionally she turns up drunk, but her Mum sends her away."

"Poor girl, so now she barely sees either of her parents."

"I know and that's the reason why I now realise that I should have told you sooner. I was about to tell you last year, but then you got the PM job and I didn't want to stress you out further."

"Don't use me as an excuse," Theresa now moved back to anger mode, "your daughter needed you! If Charlotte had lived and something had happened to me, I wouldn't have expected you to run away."

"I wouldn't have done, but I thought that her Gran was coping. But last week I got a call from school to say she had been expelled for drinking and having under-aged sex on a school trip."

"Good god, is she alright? She's only what, 12 for god sake! Was she forced, she's not pregnant?"

"No apparently it was a lad in her class, and the school nurse gave her the morning after pill."

"And you respond by getting drunk, and trying to grope me. I don't know you at all do I?"

"I spoke to Jill, she gave me some home truths. Nothing I didn't deserve. Her Gran is a good woman, but she's not in the best of health. I realised that I need to step up to the plate and be a better father, and the first thing I needed to do was tell you. And then I guess it all hit me, the mess that I have made. Sarah is a good kid, despite this, despite everything. I feel so ashamed. And I did what I did when Charlotte died, I turned to drink."

"Just like her mother, poor kid."

"But that's not me. I realise I have done wrong and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you both," she stared at me icily. "If you will let me?”

"Well let's just concentrate on Sarah for now, what do you want us to do?"

"Us, so we still have a chance?"

"Like I said, let's just concentrate on Sarah, then we will see. I am not going to give up on 36 years of marrIage without a fight. Although I am not sure that things will ever be the same again."

"I know and I am really sorry. A chance is more than I deserve, thank you," I reply feeling relieved.

"And what about Sarah?"

"Jill said that she could come and live with her and David for a bit."

"You’re passing the buck again"

"I didn't think that you would want to...."

"I wouldn't expect you to choose me over your daughter. I thought you knew me better than that."

"I am sorry."

"What this girl needs is stability. She needs her Dad, otherwise before long goodness knows what will happen. Sex and drink at just 12, it's appalling."

"I know, you think she should come and live with us? What about your job, what will people think?"

"Let me worry about that, given her age I am sure we can maintain a good level of privacy. Let me worry about that."

"But you're stressed enough as it is."

"And she's primarily your responsibility. But that doesn't mean that I will not help you with her, I was a teenage girl once you know."

"I will give up my job."

"If you think that would be best, given everything else that's going on."

"Yes, my daughter needs me. Thank you, I don't deserve you being so understanding."

"Let's just take things one step at a time shall we. I am not going to get over this overnight. But I do have to accept the situation, for Sarah's sake."

"Thank you."

"I'll leave you to make the arrangements. I am going to run a bath, I need some time alone."

"Understood," I replied as I watched her walk way. I breath a huge sigh of relief. Under the circumstances I could have lost my beloved wife and had a pregnant daughter to deal with. Things could be much worse, and now I must stop feeling sorry for myself and start to take proper care of my beloved girls. 

I do however worry if she has truly forgiven me, or whether her reaction was out of fear. A fear of being alone in the world, something that she has been anxious about since her parents died. After 36 years of marriage I am the only person she feels close to and I’ve probably gone and destroyed that forever.


	6. An Introduction

I feel my heart flutter as I spot the girl through the window chatting to Jill. With long, brown hair tied back neatly, she looks young for 12, which makes the thought of her having sex even more shocking. I remind myself that this was something that I had agreed not to mention. She has already had enough lectures from the school, Dad and her Aunty Jill who she is staying with until we can get to know each other better and work things out. Jill has the advantage of being a private tutor, so she can keep her up to date with school work until we can find a new school. Phillip wants to send her to boarding school so that they can install some proper discipline. I disagree, I think what she needs is the security and love of a full-time parent, but I remind myself that it is not ultimately my decision. 

Jill answers the door, and as she greets us I can see Sarah anxiously glance in our direction. I look away and as I give Jill a hug, she whispers "thank you" in my ear. I give her a nod, to acknowledge her relief that I was here and willing to do what is best for Sarah.

"Look why don't you come inside and I'll get the kettle on whilst you two say hello?”

We step inside and I consciously notice that I drop behind him to let him lead the way. Whilst this would not seem unusual to most people, Philip normally makes a point of walking behind me so that I look like I am in charge. This reminds me that in this situation he is the VIP, a parent, whilst I am just the hanger on. I cannot pretend that this doesn't hurt.

Philip steps forward to greet Sarah, she stands up and they hug. As they do I feel a sharp pain in my chest. They part and both turn to face me, her blue eyes just like Philip's startle me. Suddenly I switch to PM mode, where I am slowly getting used to making small talk with all kinds of folk. I have to say that it is not a natural talent of mine. 

"Sarah, its good to finally meet you.” I stretch out my hand not sure if a hug is appropriate and as she reciprocates I can tell how nervous she is. Being used to people being nervous around me, I decide to keep talking to put her at ease. "Can I be honest and say that I am a little nervous too? This is all new to me too."

"I can't imagine someone like you getting nervous. I've watched you on TV, you sound... ur"

"In control, bossy," Philip jumped in as Sarah hesitated.

"Thank you very much Philip, er I mean Dad." We all laugh. "Confidence develops over time as you get more sure of a new situation. But the day I go to work doing what I do without any nerves, is the day I need to quit. Overconfidence can lead to disaster."

"Yeah look at David Cameron and the EU referendum," Philip laughs. I don't correct him about the fact that he had no choice but to call the referendum. We can debate that point later.

"What I am trying to say is that I don't want you to worry, I am not going to bite. It's going to take sometime until we get to know each other properly, but it's something I am looking forward to."

"I wouldn't blame you if you hated me."

"I could never hate you, the thought never crossed my mind."

"But Dad lied and cheated on you.” I glance across at Philip and he looks uncomfortable.

"I love your father very much. Whilst I have to admit that this situation has come as a shock, we'll work things out. He should have told me straight away about you, but he didn't want to hurt me. What he did was wrong, and I know that he is sorry. But none of this is your fault, and you are the daughter of the man I love dearly. Therefore you're my family too, I want to get to know you." I don't admit that it's Charlotte that's on my mind. That I want to get to know what Charlotte would have been like, so I am intrigued to learn what she has inherited from her father and how our influence can mold her in the future.

"And I know I have apologised to both of you, but I want you to know here and now that I am going to make this up to you both. I am going to be the best husband and father you can imagine from now on."

"Does that mean that you will let me watch what I like on the telly from now on," I ask cheekily.

"Yes NCIS all the way."

"I just want my Dad to be around more often. That's all I want."

"And I will be, I promise." He gives her another hug and I feel slightly sad, until he invites me to join in. I spot Jill with the tray of drinks watching from the door, and she nods her approval. Things are going to be alright, I tell myself. It's not the future I imagined, but that doesn't mean that it's not going to be a good one.


	7. Making Adjustments

I finish off ironing Sarah's new school uniform as my wife diligently works through her red box and Sarah finishes off her homework. Sarah moved in with us just over a week ago, just in time to start her new private school in Westminster. It's not ideally what I would have chosen for her, but given the situation it's the best that will give her the privacy and security she needs. We realised that we couldn't keep her existence a secret, so we released a statement saying that my daughter from a "previous relationship" would be living us, and that we would be releasing no further details, not even her name. My lawyers have taken out an injunction, baring the release of further details. That should at least protect Sarah until she is 18. 

The same unfortunately can't be said for Theresa. People are not stupid, they know how long we've been together, and that a previous relationship must mean an affair. And the public and women in particular are strange. Rather than the majority of the criticism rightly being aimed at me, they blame her for staying with me and for neglecting me so that I ended up having an affair. There is no way that Theresa would ever now want the circumstances of Charlotte's death to be known, so she takes the cruel jibes just as she always has. But it hurts her deeply I know that even though she has shut me out. She tells me to focus on Sarah, and she has been trying hard to make things work. Partly because I know that she still loves me and partly I suspect because she's afraid of ending up alone. She's trying really hard with Sarah, if not a little too hard. But I'm not going to criticise her for it, she's been far more accommodating than most wives would. But that's Theresa, she always puts her duty to God, the public, me and now her step-daughter first. I just wish she had a close female friend to open up to, but she hasn't. We’ve always been best friends to the exclusion of everyone else. She might have opened up to one of my sisters, they have always treated her like a fourth sister. But I guess she feels awkward because they've known about this for a while. God I wish she had close family of her own.

"Right would any one like a snack before bed? Maybe some hot coco?"

"No thanks Dad, I'm nearly finished and I am going to bed shortly."

"Darling?"

"Er no thanks, I'm fine."

"But you didn't eat all your tea. You need to be careful, you don't want to have a hypo."

"And I won't. I didn't take a full dose, and my monitor will tell me if my sugar gets too low."

"But you need to be..."

"For god sake Philip, I'm getting sick of people telling me what I should or shouldn't do," Theresa snapped.

"That’s not nice, Dad was only concerned about you," Sarah replied. 

Theresa looked at Sarah, and feeling guilty said "I'm sorry", before getting up to leave.

"Sarah darling you shouldn't have spoken to her like that."

"You were only trying to help, and she was rude to you."

"One day you'll understand adult relationships. We nag because we care, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't grate. Particularly when you’re under so much pressure like she is."

"Because of me?”

"For all sorts of reasons, the main one being the responsibilities that she has."

"She must hate me. I'm not stupid, I know that people are laughing at her because of me."

"No because of me, people can be so stupid. And as for hating you, she doesn't have it in her. And whilst it will take time for us to get used to this situation, I know that she likes having you around."

"Really?"

"Yes, you saw how pleased she was when you enjoyed the pizza that she made."

"It was rather good."

"She loves having someone else around to fuss over."

"Did you two not want kids together?"

"Sadly we couldn't."

"How come?"

"Maybe one day we'll tell you about it, but please don't ask her it's a sensitive subject."

"I won't, I promise. Is that why you never told her about me?"

"Mostly, but I was wrong, I see that now. She has accepted you and welcomed you into our home without question."

"But things are tense between you two, I can tell."

"Not because of you, but because I lied to her and it will take time for her to fully forgive me."

"And if she doesn't?"

"I think she already has mostly. I think it's her trust that I need to win back."

"I'm not sure I would forgive you."

"Theresa is a very special person. And we both just need to give her time to adapt."

"Even if she does tell me off for wearing too much makeup, which is ironic don't you think?"

"And you will do as she says, she might not be your mother but she deserves your respect."

"At least she's not drunk all the time."

"And we will get your mother some more help."

"You're wasting your time and money. What does Theresa think?"

"She agrees with me. She lost both her parents at a youngish age, and she doesn't want you to go through that."

"Things would have been easier if I had been her daughter."

"Maybe but please never think that I regret your existence, I don't."

"I know Dad, and I'll try really hard both at school and with her I promise."

"Thank you," I replied emotionally, knowing that I didn't deserve either of them.


	8. Reality Hits

After my last meeting I make my excuses and head up to our Downing Street flat. Although Sarah is not a young child, I don't want her left on her own up there for too long. As I approach the door I feel nervous though as this will be the first time that we've been alone together. Philip is at a hastily arranged retirement do that his colleagues had organised. He didn't want to go, probably nervous about leaving us alone together, but I made him. He deserves the fuss that would be made of him, and I was grateful that he was giving up his job. We didn't need the money and although I am fully committed to Sarah I know she needed her Dad. I am also really concerned still about her drinking and having sex at such a young age. Although I can see she's a good girl at heart, she is clearly capable of going off the rails if she feels neglected.

"Hi Sarah how's the homework going?" I laugh as she hides her IPad behind her school book.

"Fine I'm nearly done, I’ve just got a bit of geography left."

"Can I help at all?" I asked as I have a degree in the subject and still remember quite a bit.

"No thanks," she replied not looking up from her book.

"OK I'll start making tea."

"It's OK Dad gave me money for a takeaway. I had a burger on the way home." I was irritated by this. Philip was probably trying to help, but it wasn't healthy and I didn't want her hanging out on the streets, not until she could be trusted. I decided to talk to Philip later, not wanting to contradict him. They needed to put on a united front if they were going to keep her safe.

"How was school?"

"OK, the teachers are stricter than at my old school. I guess it's my punishment for getting expelled."

"No it's a good school, it has an excellent academic record."

"It's an all girls school, I'm not stupid."

"You've got plenty of time for boys, when I was your age I was too busy studying and playing sports."

"Well just because I'm no saint like you, doesn't mean I don't want a good job. I know I'd be stupid to rely on a man, not after all the useless shits my Mum used to bring home."

"Sarah language!"

"God you are as uptight as people say you are. Frigid, motherless Theresa."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I've no idea what my Dad saw in you. No wonder he felt the need to play away from home, he probably has a string of children out there!”

My anger rising, I felt like slapping her but resisted the temptation. I have become accustomed to people abusing me to my face.

"Just you wait until your father gets home!”

"Whatever, you know he'd choose me if he was forced to choose."

"You little bitch!” I finally snapped.

"That's me and I've learned the hard way that being nice doesn't get you anywhere. Let's me be clear, you have kept my Dad away from me for 12 years, and now I want him back. Most wives would take the hint and F off."

"I'm not going anywhere."

We'll see. He's got what he always wanted, a child to spoil."

"He'd be disgusted if he heard you talk to me like that."

"I'll say you provoked me. He'll believe me, he knows you’re a nut job."

Now visibly shaking Sarah laughed as I retreated to my bedroom. I was in total shock, I'd been taken in by her good girl routine. But I dread to think what has made her that way, so manipulative and uncaring. I also dread to think about what her Mum’s boyfriends might have been like. I picked up my phone about to call Philip, but I put it down again knowing that bringing him home would be what she wanted. Instead I grabbed my red box and worked in my bedroom waiting until he got home. I didn't get much work done though as I wrestled with what I needed to say to him.


	9. Stuck In The Middle

When Theresa confronted me the other night about Sarah's behaviour I was shocked and if I am totally honest my first thought was how had my wife provoked this? After all who could blame her? Because of my selfish actions 13 years ago, and then my stupid decision to cover it up she had the press ridiculing her, colleagues making subtle jokes at her expense and a moody almost-teenager invading her home. Thankfully I didn't make things worse by speaking my thoughts out loud, but when I dared to suggest that we give her the chance to settle in she responded angrily and told me in no uncertain terms that she was my responsibility and that if I didn't "sort her out" then she would be forced to leave for "all our sakes." I wasn't totally sure if she meant it, if she was going to give up easily on 37 years of marriage then surely she would have done so by now. The threat nonetheless I took seriously, after all Theresa never said anything of a serious nature without thinking things through very carefully. And as if to make clear her point she had got up early and left for work before Sarah had got up. This is the first time she had not stayed and made her breakfast and now Sarah and I sat in silence eating cornflakes in silence before she eventually asked, 'where is she?"

"You mean Theresa, that's "her" name.”

"Whatever!"

"Don't be like that. Theresa has been very good to you, she's opened up her home and all she asks for in return is a little bit of respect."

"What lies has she told you? Did she tell you that she told me that she wished I'd never been born?”

"Don't lie to me Sarah," I replied knowing Theresa's love of God and of mankind meant she'd never say that, even in anger.

"Why do you believe that bitch and not your own daughter?"

"Don't you dare call her that, I could slap you hard right now.”

"We'll get on with it!" Sarah screamed raising her fists to try and provoke me. Instead I stood up and backed away realising a violent response was what she was used to, probably when her Mum was drunk. Just then Theresa came back unexpectedly and trying to stay calm asked "what on earth is going on, everyone can hear you downstairs!”

"Well we can't have that, you're precious reputation ruined."

"Sarah..." I replied before Theresa cut in and said coldly, "it's Ok I'm not stopping. I think it's best if I went back to Maidenhead alone this weekend."

"No, Theresa we can't let her win."

"I think you need to spend some time with YOUR daughter. She needs someone to put her first for once."

"But Theresa I need you, we need you!” I begged.

"No we don't need that uptight cow. I've never been good enough for you, not compared to her."

"Can you blame me?" I snapped before instantly regretting it. Theresa had stayed calm when provoked, she's a far better parent than I'll ever be.

"See at least you're telling the truth now."

"No look, I'm sorry Sarah, I didn't mean it."

"I'll leave you two to talk”, Theresa whispered before turning away. But as she did so Sarah stood up and pushed Theresa towards the kitchen counter. Theresa froze in shock, and it took me a few seconds to realise what was happening. I moved forward to protect Theresa but as I did so I watched in horror as Sarah poured scalding kettle water over Theresa's hands. Theresa's piercing scream will live with me for ever. The scream shocked Sarah and she ran off. I quickly ran Theresa's hands under the cold tap as she cried in pain.

"She's not going to get away with that, I'm going to kill her!”

"No you’re not, violence never solved anything. But it’s clearly that’s what she's used to."

"I'll go to the police, she must be taught that violence is wrong and must be punished."

"Yes punish her, but don't ruin her life. Look I think it's best if we split up, but I'll need you to leave Downing Street as it does go with the job."

"And let her win?" I reply shocked at the casual way she had unilaterally decided our marriage was over.

"Yes, show her for once that one of her parents is willing to put her first. Neglect is how she's ended up like this, for god sake what if she'd lashed out at school?”

"But I need you, we need you, please, I'm so sorry she hurt you, it will never happen again."

"No it won't because I've made my mind up."

"No please," I pleaded. But Theresa didn't reply instead she covered her burnt hands with a wet tea towel and went into our bedroom, closing the door behind her. As she did tears ran down my cheek and I broke down and sobbed. How on earth am I going to fix this mess without the love of my life, not that I deserved her.


End file.
